330 21.12.2011 22:16:36 I have a friend who is president of his homeowner's association in Washington, D.C. They are having a terrible problem with trash on the side of the roads around his association's homes. The reason, according to him, is there are being built just next to them six new homes -- big ones! And the trash, he says, is coming from the Mexican work crews working at the construction sites. (McDonald's bags, Burger King trash, etc). He has pleaded with the site supervisors and the general contractor to no avail, called the city, county, the police and got no help.So they organized about twenty folks, named themselves the "Inner Neighborhood Services" to go out at lunch time and "police" the trash themselves. But that's not really the point of the story.They got some navy blue baseball caps and had the initials "INS" in gold put on the caps. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, however, to understand what they hoped people would think it means.Well the day after their first pick up detail, with them wearing their caps and some carrying cameras, 46 out of 68 of the construction workers didn't show up for work the next morning -- and haven't come back yet! It has been ten days.The General Contractor, I understand, is madder than hell, but can't say anything publicly because he could be busted for hiring "illegal aliens". My friend and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating INS folks, because they have it in their home owner association records the vote to form the new committee within their association, plus they informed the INS about what they were doing in advance, and the INS said, according to him, "have at it"!
321 21.12.2011 22:16:36 After joining the Army, because he was previously a used car salesman Billy-Bob's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and because he was a good talker they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the G.I. insurance.Before long, the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Billy-Bob was getting a 99% signup for the top G.I. insurance policy. This was odd, since it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for the extra coverage.The Captain decided that he would not ask Billy-Bob about his selling techniques but would sit in the back of the room and observe his sales pitch.Billy-Bob stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If'n y'all have normal G.I. insurance and go to Iraq and get killed, the government pays your Mama or your wife $6,000, right?"The men murmured in agreement. "Now," he continued, "if'n y'all take out the supplemental G.I. insurance, which cost you only $30.00 a month, the government has to pay your Mama or your wife $200,000. See?"The men nodded."OK," Billy-Bob concluded: "which bunch you think they gonna send to the most dangerous areas in Iraq first?"
310 21.12.2011 22:16:36 Government Pipe Specifications1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic, centered around the hole.2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length -- do not use holes of different length than the pipe.3. The ID (Inside Diameter) of all pipe must not exceed their OD (Outside Diameter) -- otherwise the hole will be on the outside.4. The pipe is supplied with nothing in the hole, so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.5. All pipe is to be supplied without rust; this can be more readily applied at the job site. (NOTE: Some vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipes. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a great deal of time at the job site.)6. All pipe over 500ft (150m) in length should have the words "LONG PIPE" clearly painted on each side and end, so the contractor will know it's a long pipe.7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must also have the words "LONG PIPE" painted in the middle so the contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether it is a long or short pipe.8. All pipe over 6ft (1.83m) in diameter must have the words "LARGE PIPE" painted on it, so the contractor won't mistake it for a small pipe.9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes from bolts that are quite separate from the big holes in the middle.10. When ordering 90 or 30 degree elbows, be sure to specify left-hand or right-hand, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.12. All couplings should have either right-hand or left-hand threads, but do not mix the threads. Otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on to one pipe, it is being unscrewed from the other.13. All pipes shorter than 1/8in (3mm) are very uneconomical in use, requiring many joints. They are generally known as washers.14. Joints in pipes for water must be watertight. Those pipes for compressed air, however, need only be airtight.15. Lengths of pipes may be welded or soldered together. This method is not recommended for concrete or earthenware pipes.16. Other commodities are often confused with pipes. These include; Conduit, Tube, Tunnel, and Drain. Use only genuine pipes.
299 21.12.2011 22:16:36 Na plese ČSSD se vyhlasuji vysledky tomboly: "4. cenu Audi A6 vyhrava los 3052", "treti cenu BMW ZX5 vyhrava los 1044", "druhou cenu, orechovy dort, vyhrava los 0264".Vyherce se ozve: "Neni to nejaky divny ? Ctvrta a treti cena auta a ja jen dort?"."Ale ten dort pekla sama pani Paroubkova.""Mrdam Paroubkovou!!!""Ne ne to nemuzete, to je prvni cena!"
288 21.12.2011 22:16:36 V polsku v dobach tuheho socialismu si jeden docent matematiky spocital, ze delnik v lodenici vydela 3 x vice nez on.Tak si rekl, jebat to, proskrtal tituly pred a za jmenem a sel do fabriky.Ve fabrice se mu samozrejme darilo, moc se nepretrh a dostaval 3x vic nez na skole.Pak fabrika predstavila vecerni skolu pro delniky, a ze kdo tam bude chodit, dostane pridano. Tak se tam docent napsal a zacal chodit.Hned prvni hodinu, mrd ho, matematika.Obtiznost jako v prvnim rocniku na stredni, takze docent jen tak pospava a nedava pozor. Vsimne si ho ucitel, vyvola k tabuli a da mu spocitat obsah kruhu. Docent zacne psat, ale zaboha si nemuze vzpomenout na vzorec pro obsah kruhu, takze se to rozhodne odvodit. Napise si prevod do polarnich souradnic, pak to integruje a vyjde mu -pi*r^2, tak tam stoji a premysli, kde se tam vzalo to minus. A z posledni rady nekdo zasepta: "Otoc interval integrace".