627 26.10.2016 12:36:25
Takhle na pohřbu se ptá chlapík funebráka: "prosím vás neznáte heslo na wifinu?"
funebrák na to: "mějte úctu k mrtvým"
všechno malýma?
384 21.12.2011 22:16:37
Bezpecnostni ponauceni z pohadek:

Kuzlatka se zachovala podle doporuceni maminky kozy - zkontrolovala hlas, tlapku i ocasek. Presto dosla kuzlatka sezrani. Kde udelala kuzlatka chybu?

Chyba byla, mile deti, v tom, ze behem procesu autentifikace poskytla vlkovi udaje, ktere mit nemusel a mit nemel. Napriklad tedy ze selhal test hlasu ci test ocasku. Kuzlatka mela pouze oznamit negativni vysledek overeni identity a nezduvodnovat.

Stejnou chybu udelala i Karkulka, kdyz vlkovi vykecala nejen kam jde, ale i svuj login, takze neni divu, ze kdyz se vlk identifikoval jako "karkulka", babicka ho vpustila. Karkulku omlouva pouze to, ze kdyby tyhle informace vlkovi neposkytla, sezral by ji na miste a nepokousel se sezrat dve mouchy jednim hackem.
383 21.12.2011 22:16:37
"I'm not calling you a slut, but if your vagina had a password, it would be 1234."
343 21.12.2011 22:16:36
Programmer Turned Minister FAQ

Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through all those variables.

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier versions.

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.

Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend had left him.

Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project; now we are in the maintenance phase.

Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is a MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.

Q: What is the role of sinners?
A: Sinners are the people who find new and imaginative ways to mess up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.

Q: Where will I go after I die?
A: Onto a backup tape.

Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching those tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say that the tape has been lost.

Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then the users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him program.

Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.

Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday.

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
A: No -- they are much more likely to receive email.
336 21.12.2011 22:16:36
Dear Computer Guy: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?

The characters go to different places, depending on who you ask.

The Buddhist Explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher-order character.

The Mac user's Explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell too.

Stephen King's Explanation: Every time you hit the Delete key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor, unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!

The Christian's Explanation: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast", "sex" and "contraception".

Dave Barry's Explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.

IBM's Explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.

PETA's Explanation: You've been deleting them?!? Can't you hear them screaming?!? Why don't you go club some baby seals while wearing a mink, you bastard!?!
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